El Muchos Stoopido

Si, that's what I should be called. El Muchos Stoopido. Why? Because I got to the KLCC (= Petronas towers) yesterday only to find that it was closed to visitors on Mon. Well, ok. That's an easy enough "overlook" anyone could make. What happened next qualifies for the title. So KLCC is also a mondo shopping centre. So I figured I'd just wander around for a bit, possibly find a dress to wear to my friend's wedding in a couple of weeks. Of course, if I was not El Muchos Stoopido, I would've had a dress made specially at Hoi An by one of the master tailors. Instead, I go and get 3 other dresses made while I was there, none of which are remotely suitable for a fancy occasion being held at Blenheim Palace. I then proceeded to buy a pair of sandals. Yes, sandals. It's not like I have enough footwear as it is. And now I go and buy a category of footwear that will only be of use for like what? 7 days of the year in England. Smart move bozo. I then wandered to Zara, determined not to be sidetracked and then zoned in on this gorgeous canary yellow handbag. Oh oh you say? Well yes, for a whole 15 mins. I even did the whole exchange rate thing and finally realised that there was no way ever I would've forked out 80 quid for a handbag from Zara. I placed the handbag back on the shelf, stroked it longingly and gave it one last glance before exiting the store. Sigh. There is something wrong with me.

According to my Unc, the last time I was in KL was in 1997. That's almost 12 years ago! I don't remember much from then but the current KL has surprised me. I have a good feeling about this place. As a modern city with high rises and too many shopping centres, it's really quite pretty. And despite the numerous signs reminding you to be aware of pickpockets, I feel safe wandering on my own. This city is a haven for shoppers. From the cheapest and tackiest, to the most overpriced and covetted, KL has it all. And the food is delicious! Apart from the rubbish brownie I had yesterday. That was a let down. Joma! I miss your brownies! So after getting bored with window-shopping and getting disappointed by the brownie, I headed to the Islamic Arts Museum. It was such a treat. The building is super modern with sharp angles and wide white open spaces, fused with Islamic blue tiles and carved in domes. 

                                                                                                                                                                          

            

For anyone interested in Islamic history and art, it's the perfect place to get educated. For anyone looking for a place to chill and get away from all the noise, the outside space is the perfect place to unwind and listen to the chirps of the birds from the neighbouring bird park and the tinkling of the water from the decorative fountain. I contemplated dropping by the bird park but then thought better of it. Last place you wanna be during an Avian Flu pandemic is somewhere with a high concentration of birds.

It is already 1:15pm. My plan for today: KLCC and KL tower. Later tonight I am taking an overnight train to Singapore. The journey will take me 11 hours. I hope I'm not sharing a cabin with a psycho killer. Not sure how I will entertain myself. No GAPpies. No laptop. No Yatzee. I may actually have to read a book. Or sleep for most of it. And I've decided, no Oreos. This trip is looking to be a lot of fun already.

From KL with love

It's official. My Indochina adventure has ended. Waahhh!!! Why God? Why? I nearly missed check-in yesterday (and quite possibly my flight) due to my automatic presumption that I was taking a domestic flight to Kuala Lumpur, until Steve pointed out that KL was in fact in Malaysia, a different country, and under every circumstance flying there from Thailand is always classified as an international flight. I replied with, "But it's in Southeast Asia!" He looked at me like I was one of those slow kids he may have had the misfortune to teach in Taiwan. Why am I such a bimbo sometimes? So I jumped into a taxi with only 3 mins to spare before the counter closed, wasted 35 Baht for a sealed bottle of mineral water which I had to throw into a bin 10 steps later because somehow it was potentially dangerous even with the seal on, and finally be informed that my flight was delayed after running to the gate. Aaahh!! If that bottle wasn't dangerous, I definitely was. The flight was uneventful, apart from witnessing a lightning storm. In the sky! On the plane! How cool is that?

I am now in KL, suffering from a mild bout of food poisoning. After having eaten from dodgy street stalls and even dodgier restaurants in countries that I doubt ensure that all food preparation outlets abide to HSA/FSA conditions, I am struck by waves of intensely painful stomach cramps in KL. Thankfully, it has only been that, stomach cramps. I tried not to double over as each wave of pain hit me while wandering around the UNESCO heritage site that is Melaka. I think I may have to write to UNESCO and request that they review this status, because apart from a few buildings, which I have to admit were very beautiful old buildings, there wasn't much to the rest of the place.

 

My 10 year old cousin informs me that Melaka was first colonised by the French (?), then the Dutch, then the Portugese. He mentioned dates as well but seeing as remembrance of historical dates has never been something I like to do, you will have google this info if you're particularly interested. I also asked him for tips on how to be an ace teacher. He suggested that I be firm but not too strict, fair but not too nice, and to always listen to both sides of the story. Yeah baby. I'm going to be the most coolioso teacher in Germania.

Tomorrow I'm free to explore on my own. Tristan suggested the Petronas towers and the Islamic Arts Museum. I might also squeeze in the Colonial District and Chinatown. Or I may just hang around my Uncle's and Aunt's and watch some DVDs. Ooh what to do?

Last days in Bangkok

I'm missing my travel buddies already. Is it possible to miss people who were complete strangers to you a month ago? I decided to spend a couple of extra days in Bangkok to unwind before flying to Malaysia and Singapore tomorrow to see the relatives. I'm spending 7 days in total there...I think....

After the tranquility and serenity of Laos, Bangkok is a blast of unexpected adrenaline to the senses. I was planning on visiting the Grand Palace yesterday but after being defeated by the heat and losing the motivation to find the entrance to the palace, I spent an hour in the beautiful public park opposite the palace. The hustle and bustle of Bangkok disappeared and all I could hear was the rustle of the leaves. I strolled to the back of the park and discovered an open air free-weights gym where scary looking men were pumping iron. How random is that? I also saw a man jogging round the park, completely covered up from head to toe, wearing a balaclava, hat, gloves and boots too. Military-style training maybe? Who knows? I then wandered to Chinatown where they sold tat and stuff that I have not seen the likes of since my pre-teens. And just round the corner from there was Little India. Amazing how these two nations have succeeded in establishing a presence in practically every country in the world. It's all down to their entrepreneurial nature I suppose.

I was supposed to go to kickboxing today. Instead I had lunch. I'm going to try to go tomorrow morning. So I spent my day practising my bargaining skills and trying to buy as many gifts as possible for my cousins with the little money I have left. I have a very strong feeling that I am going to be terminally broke for the rest of the year. I then went and had a traditional Thai massage to get rid of the kinks I still had from my kickboxing session 2 days ago. The Thai massage was INTENSE. There were definite cracking sounds during my session. I feel fine. Now. As for tomorrow? I'll let you know.

Stuck in Chiang Mai

The trains are on strike. So no overnight train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, which is perfecto as it means we now actually get to stay the night in Chiang Mai as opposed to swing through it for a laughable 4 hours. FYI: I have had 3 mozzy bites since I logged onto my blog a few minutes ago. And they ain't looking too pretty. They're actually swelling up and looking quite horrible. Anyway, to more important things. I went to Muay Thai Kickboxing with Stevo. The dude who was teaching LOVED Steve. "Steve, 100 swing kicks!" "Steve, 50 jabs!" "Steve." "Steve." "Steve." At school, he would be dunked into a toilet for being a teacher's pet. I think the teacher thought he'd found his ultimate fighting champion. Even worse (for me) was that he didn't even remember my name. Instead he proceeded to call me "Lady" for the next 3 hours. But I had a lot of fun. Kick-boxing is always fun. The gym was an open air kinda setup with a boxing ring, some floor space and a few punching bags, all shaded by a metal roof. Saying that it was warm is an understatement. But the heat kept us loose and nimble. I think I drank too much water too quickly and still feel kinda sick from it. Quite a few holidaymakers turned up later as well. I guess the locals train early in the morning or late after work. I think I might give it a go again when I'm in Bangkok for a few days.

Ok, I think I should go and take some anti-histamines to deal with this abnormal bite-reaction swelling issue. I feel heat emanating from them. That's not a good sign right?

Back into Thai World

I had a shower by torchlight this morning. At 4:45 am. Why? Because we stopped over at a little village called Pakbeng last night, where electricity is only available from 5:30am-10:00am and 6pm-10:30pm. Yes, there was no electricity ALL night. Translation: no fan or air-conditioner. Consequently, very little sleep. I decided to bite the bullet and got up at 4:30am. 3 minutes later I heard a rustling outside my window. I was convinced that not only was the heat going to kill me, but some native was going to finish me off. Turns out it was the local cockerel doing his wake-up call. But it wasn't all bad. Since the heat was unbearable and prevented me from sleeping, earlier that night I went outside to a village blanketed by darkness, and watched shooting stars light the sky and small halos of torchlight leading people to their homes or hotels.

We got back onto the boat at 6:45am and finished the remainder of our journey up the Mekong river, stopping over at a hilltribe village to say hello and play football. These people live in abject poverty but were more than happy to welcome strangers like us. It was humbling. The Mekong is lined with numerous villages hidden within the thick jungle vegetation, their presence made known by a little bit of roof poking out from the trees, or footprints on the sandy shores leading away from the many fishing poles set up like infantrymen along the jagged rocky portions of the river. Large parts of the jungle have also been cleared, with smoke from fires used to clear the land billowing into the sky as trees are chopped down and logged off and the land prepared for planting rice and other foodstuff by the natives.

We're now back in Thailand (in a bordertown called Chiang Khong). Which means this Indochina adventure is nearly at an end. How is that possible? Where did the month go? I don't want to go back. Seriously. As much as I want the blood-sucking orgy the mozzies are having with me to end, the prospect of returning to "normal/boring" life in 2 weeks is more traumatising. And no more Yatzee too. What am I to do?

Luang Prabang

I'm back online. I was going to go to the night market but I've spent SOOO much here on so little, the free internet was the cheaper option. For a country that is so poor, I seem to be spending an astronomical amount on nothing. Nevertheless, I think Luang Prabang is one of the loveliest places I've ever visited.

Luang Prabang is serene and romantic. As I strolled along a tree-lined street with houses dating back to the French Colonial era, I could feel my worries slowly melt away and my heart lighten. The prospect of a relaxing massage may have contributed to this change but I don't think it was just that. There's something intangible about this place. Something peaceful and zen-like. Luang Prabang is a perfect balm for the soul. My aromatherapy massage was divine. I'd never had a massage in my life until I started this trip. And today's was the third and most aromatic. I requested the "lemongrass-refreshing" scent. Firstly, because as you will recall from my last blog entry, lemongrass should apparently repel the mozzies. Secondly, I was feeling tired and needed a wake-up boost. I fell asleep twice during the massage. But now I feel refreshed. And marginally attractive. I haven't lately what with all these bites. I hope I'm not left with scars...... Ok, no more mention of insect bites.

Tomorrow we leave for the Thai border on a "boat". The trip should take 2 days. We're stopping over at villages for the nights. I need to remember to recharge my iPod and camera as most of the villages will have about 1 hour or less of electricity when we get there. Perfect for Light Grafitti photos I reckon as the villages will be near pitch black. I'm going to recruit Steve for this experiment. I also need to stock on snacks. Oreos maybe?

Joma I love you

"Can we go to Joma for lunch?" "Do they have a Joma in Luang Prabang?" Oh yes, how did we ever survive without Joma. Joma is officially our favourite hangout in Laos. It's like Starbucks of Laos. But a hundred times better. I've had their brownie, choc chip cookies, choc chip muffin, apple and bran oatmeal muffin, apple pie, lemonade, tuna foccacia sandwich........ Yeah..... Joma is good.

We went elephant trekking and bathing yesterday. Tristan and I got Orla Thai, a 19 year old beauty that we nicknamed Chubbs on account of her neverending snacking on greens. Steve got a renegade that often decided to do his/her own thang and named him/her Rambo 4x4. Adam and Sophie got the docile and sweet Humphrey. Slow Nelly was temporarily adopted by Mark and Christina. I skipped the elephant bathing and was the official photographer for the occasion. I'm being eaten alive by the mozzies (and some spiders), literally and did not fancy going into the river where I would inevitably become the next late afternoon snack for the water-dwelling beasties. I don't understand why? Why me!! No one else has been bitten as much as me. I've also started drinking lemongrass tea. Apparently lemongrass is a potent mozzy repellent. Pfftt!!!! Rubbish. Phil reckons that I have a high likelihood of being bitten by a malaria-carrying bug. You don't say? Thanks Uncle Philly. I've been taking my malarial pills and eating my 5 -a-day and praying to God. Hopefully they will provide sufficient protection. We also went to the waterfalls. Standing infront of the waterfalls, with the cool air blasting from the cascading water, I forgot about my lousy bites and remembered how much I loved it here and how much fun I've been having with the guys.

We went to a cool place for dinner last night where we had to bbq and cook our own dinner. It was hard and sweaty work, sitting there with the bbq set infront of us on the table. But it was delish. Later we went ten-pin bowling. Half of Luang Prabang was there. I was sh*t. I reckon the mozzies have sucked out more than just my pure healthy alcohol-caffiene-meat- free blood. They've sapped me of my bowling prowess. This blows. I hate losing.

I'm off to the spa for a massage. Later, sunset viewing from the top of a hill. Tomorrow, up the Mekong in a boat to Thailand. I could go on travelling forever.

We're in Laos

We went to the gym yesterday. A bunch of us were suffering from a serious lack-of-exercise-itis, so after we were done with harrassing monks in orange robes for photo ops and other usual touristy stuff in Vientiane, the capital of Laos, we headed to the local gym. It was invigorating. And then to finish it off I had a traditional Laos massage. Are you jealous?

So, Laos huh? It's totally chilled out and peaceful here and makes a nice change from the manically crazy Hanoi. People are a lot nicer. But a lot more complacent too. Don't expect to get your starter before your mains, and your rice with your curry. Actually, Vietnam was just as bad. Sometimes they even forgot our order. Customer satisfaction ain't a priority in this neck of the woods. The scenery here in Laos is more dramatic but just as sublime as Vietnam, with dangerous winding roads built into the side of the mountains, linking us between our destinations. If you suffer from motion sickness, best to find another way of getting between towns.

Today we're in Vang Vieng. Tomorrow we head to Luang Prabang. I can't wait. It feels like the main reason people come here is to get pissed and high (sorry if you're reading this travel buddies, just my opinion). I guess if that's your kinda thing then this is the perfect place to be. Thankfully the landscape and the outdoor activities that they have here (caving, kayaking etc) make up for it.

We've been having a lot of oreos on this trip. Is it possible to OD on oreos? The peanut butter and choc one is especially yummy. I still have some brownie left from earlier today. I think I should have the rest of it later.

Good bye Vietnam

It's our last day in Hanoi. And Vietnam. Getting around here is a nightmare. There are no recognisable landmarks and the shops all look the same. Basically, I keep getting lost. And having a map that is wrong didn't help either (this has been confirmed by 2 other people in my group so it's not just my inept orienteering skills that keep me going in the wrong direction). You walk down one street and every single shop is selling door handles and then you turn right and all the shops are selling toys, another one just sells herbs, or clothes or DVDs etc etc and then when you think you've got it all figured out, you end up on a street predominantly used for washing motorbikes! Where the hell is the hotel?!! And the motorbike taxis are relentless. They keep harrassing you to take them and the taxis try to bamboozle you with astronomic fares. I've taken to ignoring them now or just shouting "No thank you!". I'm glad we're leaving for Laos tomorrow. Unfortunately, it also means we're losing a quarter of the group. Jake and Sarah are doing Laos on their own, Lee is staying in Hanoi for a few more days and is then off to Japan and Dom is off to the full moon party in Thailand. It'll feel quite strange.

Enough moaning about Hanoi. Let me tell you about my motorbike tour of Hue. Whizzing through Vietnamese houses in the countryside and local markets selling ducks in non-RSPCA conditions and muddy paths lining the high-definition green paddy fields of Hue, you're transported into a completely different world inhabited by people doing back-breaking work to make ends meet and kids running alongside you and waving hello. Vietnam is beautiful. Have I said that already? It's so unbelievably beautiful and I can't help thinking that it's all a dream that I'm here. Can't say the same for some of the people though......

One of the highlights of Vietnam was our boat trip to Halong Bay. Halong Bay is otherworldly and divine, its 300 islands covered in mist so thick and forests so green, you can almost believe that some mystical dragon is lying dormant in one of the many underground caves and lagoons. Sitting at the front of the boat with my feet dangling over the edge and the breeze in my face and hair, I didn't want the ride to end. I suggested we commandeer the boat. Everyone agreed.... Yeah, that was the extent of our attempted mutiny.

I've been using SPF 50+. Fat lot of good it's been doing. I'm so brown now.

We're going to a water puppet show tonight. Laters dudes!

Dreamy Hoi An

Hoi An is enchanting. Getting lost in the maze of narrow alleys and walking under bouganvilleas and native trees in bloom, you can't help but fall in love with this little town. The architecture is divine, with buildings indicative of the town's French and Chinese colonial past, painted in canary yellow that has aged beautifully. The atmosphere is dreamy and the locals more friendly and relaxed than those in Saigon. At night, the streets are softly lit with lanterns, with people strolling to music and laughter floating out from the bars and restaurants.

Sophie and I decided to rent bikes for the day (Sophie cracks me up, great fun having her around). We got lost (my fault as usual) and had a lot of fun cycling and finding our way back. We stumbled onto what I think was some of the local boys' football "hangout" near the river. They didn't look too pleased and as Sophie tried to make some friendly small talk, one of them just said "Bye bye". Charming. A lot like the boys back home.

We're leaving tomorrow for Hue. I don't want to leave. It's beautiful here. I'm definitely coming back if I can. Thankfully, no night train this time. The last train was not like the first one we took......... I avoided the toilets.

Hot and noisy Nha Trang

Most of the gang are heading to the mudbaths later today. I think I'll skip it and explore this "sleepy" seaside town before we catch the train to Hoi An tonight. I don't think I've been to a beach town that's so manic with activity. The beach is glorious and you can see islands covered in lush green mountains in the distance. It's a lot nicer than the one in Cambodia. Mainly because the kids were in the sea enjoying themselves rather than out pestering me and near-molesting me to buy their goods.

We're catching another night train tonight to Hoi An. The loos weren't too bad last time so there's no need to dehydrate myself. But I think we're going to be the second/third set of people sleeping in the unmade bunks...... I'm sleeping in my anti-bacterial, anti-mozzy, anti-plague, cotton tropical sleeping bag anti-radiation liner. And if the deet actually worked, I would also impregnate myself with it. But seeing as I have almost a fifth of my body covered in mozzy bites, something tells me they're sh*t.

Ok, time to get lost exploring.

Miss Saigon

Been listening to some hip-hop that my bro uploaded for me. I'm digging The Roots. Organix is an ace album. I ate chocolate for the first time yesterday since 27th May. For those of you who know me very well, this is very uncharacteristic behaviour. I'd like to say that it's due to my iron-clad self-control, but the truth is that 1) people don't eat much choc here so distribution is very limited, and 2) I've just been too hot to bother with choc. But I relented yesterday and have had a whole bag of M&Ms, 2 muffins and a lemon zest cake. All in less than 24 hours. Business as usual. I'm also waiting for my laundry. I'm down to my last pair of trousers. They're too big now. I've had to pin them in 3 places to maintain my modesty (I think we've all lost a bit of weight). I'm excited about getting fresh laundry today.

Saigon is f****ing mental!!! The city is HEAVING with motorbikes. And there are no traffic lights. You just have to walk into the traffic (after praying to whoever you believe in) and presto, the drivers will weave around you. Of course there are a few randomers who have not read the vietnamese highway code so you do the avoiding. I'm liking it here. It's buzzing and bustling like central London. And feels a lot safer than Phnom Penh. For some reason, the people seem to like building super-skinny buildings (Amsterdam style) in Art Deco fashion. Weird. Steve's theory is they tax based on width of building. Plausible I suppose.

We're getting the overnight train to Nha Trang tonight. Have heard stories of floorless toilets and dirty bunks..... 

I'm looking forward to my clean laundry.

Adagio- Barber

I've decided. I'm getting a scooter for Cologne. Specifically a purple vespa (if I can). They ride their scooters here the way I ride my bike in Oxford- reckless, fast-ish and "determined". So, I reckon it'll be muchos easy to drive in Germany right?

I rode a motorbike/scooter for the first time today. It was awesome! Sitting behind the driver, we rode up to the top of the mountain and saw the village of Chau Doc (a border town in Vietnam), surrounded by green mountains covered in foreboding grey clouds. The ride down was not particularly dry. We each had a driver. Mine wasn't the chatty type. Apart from "You ok?" when we started going up the mountain, we rode in companiable silence. Tristan's just giggled all the way. Tristan was terrified. The other drivers were trying to race each other on a single lane-two way road. Mine wanted in on it too. I told him to go faster but he just smiled. Luckily, using my telepathic powers, we came third.

The people of Vietnam look very different from those of Cambodians. They look more Chinese. Cambodians also had a more reddish tint to their tan. I have yet to be asked if I'm Vietnamese. I don't think it'll happen. But I'm going to be Honduran next time they're nosy.

We drive to Hoi Chi Minh tomorrow. Another 8 hour drive. This is turning out to be "Indochina on a bus". But the scenery is so unbelievably sublime and lush, it's worth it.

Ok, my hour is almost up. Short crew profiles:
there are 12 people-
Phil= the boss
Steve= the assistant/ surfer dude from Canadia/ "Hey, do you want me to teach you something?"
Tristan= Financial Economist sarky joker/ always hungry/ snoozer
Hannah= Northern Lass "Blondie"
Sophie= Posh (near) London Babe
Dominic= Boy from the North (Manchester) 1
Adam= Boy from the North (Sheffield) 2
Jake and Sarah= Couple 1
Christina and Mark= Couple 2

Time up!! Laters muchachos and muchachas.